Managers are burning out—not just from doing too much, but from carrying too many roles that were never meant to be theirs. Let’s name the burden and start letting go of what was never yours to hold.
Managers are burning out—not just from doing too much, but from carrying too many roles that were never meant to be theirs. Let’s name the burden and start letting go of what was never yours to hold.
Modern Mentor is hosted by Rachel Cooke. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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Hey, it’s Rachel Cooke, your Modern Mentor. I’m the founder of Lead Above Noise, where we help leaders activate performance without sacrificing humanity. This month, we’re diving deep into burnout—what’s really causing it, how we’re failing to fix it, and what we can finally start doing differently. This is part two of a four-part series, and today? We’re talking about the impossible job we’ve handed managers—and why it’s time to rewrite the role.
Before we dig in, if you’re already seeing burnout on your team—or feeling it in your own bones—head to leadabovenoise.com/burnout. You’ll find tools, workshops, and ways to bring this conversation into your organization in a way that actually sticks.
So I’m getting ready to ship my first kiddo off of college in a few months. Which has me tripping down memory lane, looking at old pics.
It’s funny, but in so many of the shots when my girls were tiny, know what wasn’t tiny? The bag I used to carry with me. You know - the one full of diapers and snacks and toys and sweaters. Because it was my job to protect them from all the forms of discomfort - the hunger, the cold, the boredom.
Today though? I rarely even carry a bag. I’ve got ApplePay and a chapstick in my pocket and I’m good to go. And I feel lighter. I move easier through the world.
It’s not my job anymore to carry all their stuff. They’re big kids - they can manage their needs, and I trust they’ll ask for my help when they need it.
Which brings us to you, managers. People leaders. Because I’m talking to leaders every day who are carrying loads both too heavy and frankly not theirs to carry.
Every day I hear leaders say things like…
“Yeah I haven’t told my team about this yet - it’s just going to cause anxiety.”
“I know I need to give that feedback. We’re just such a ‘nice’ culture I don’t think it will go over well.”
“I know my team wants to know - I just haven’t worked through all the details yet.”
And managers. When you think holding all of this is your job - on top of your actual job? Well, it’s just too much. No wonder manager burnout is at an all-time high these days.
You’re expected to be strategy, empathy, productivity, clarity, inspiration, communication, accountability, psychological safety, all while meeting deadlines and chasing KPIs and never, ever dropping the ball.
We’ve gotta do a reset.
So today, let’s talk about four beliefs I see managers carrying that are making the job not just hard, but unsustainable. Beliefs that feel like part of the job, but aren’t. Beliefs that, when you
Happiness is a nice aspiration. It’s just not your responsibility - no one’s happiness but your own is.
But when you hold yourself accountable to this, you start softening the truth. Avoid hard conversations. Water down updates and try to shield your people from disappointment. You become the emotional buffer between your team and reality.
It feels generous. Protective and kind.
But over time, this gentle editing creates confusion. Whiplash. Delays in information or action. It actually strips your team of opportunities to prepare for or correct things.
And it puts you in the exhausting position of constantly managing everyone’s emotions on top of your actual work.
Your team doesn’t need you to shield them from discomfort. They need you to lead them through it—with honesty and respect.
So if you’ve been hesitating to deliver an update because you think it’ll disappoint people? Or you’ve been over-apologizing for a decision that’s outside your control? Ask yourself: am I protecting them? Or am I just carrying something that was never mine?
Lead with care—but lead with clarity. Let adults have adult reactions. It’s not cold. It’s trust.
This one sneaks up quietly. A project kicks off or a change needs to be implemented, and you start piecing together a strategy. You want to be prepared. You want to show leadership. You want to think through all the details, dot all i’s and cross your t’s before giving your team incomplete information.
So you stay up late, build the plan, and bring it to your team…and they have questions. Feedback. Concerns. And suddenly the plan needs to be revised. Or you missed details. Or opportunities to make it stronger.
You meant well. You wanted to figure it out for them. But really you should figure it out with them. They have ideas you don’t. They have a vantage point you don’t - they can see risks; they know what frustrates customers; they know which tools work together and which don’t.
All of their inputs are critical. Baking them in not only makes your plan stronger - it leaves them feeling invested in the plan they helped to craft.
It’s heavy and hard to build the plan alone. It drains your energy and leaves too much of theirs on the table.
Your job isn’t to show up with all the answers. It’s to co-create the path with your team. To define the “why” and shape the “how” together.
So if you’re sitting on a plan or decision you built alone? Ask yourself: who should’ve been in the room sooner? And what’s one upcoming project where I can invite co-creation, not just consultation?
I still talk to too many leaders who really believe their authority comes from their teams’ confidence in them having the answers. “I can’t get up there and shrug my shoulders,” someone recently said to me.
And I get it. Confidence feels like leadership. But confidence doesn’t have to equate to always knowing. And when you pretend to know, you cut off inquiry. You kill momentum and you burn yourself out trying to maintain a front.
You don’t need to know everything. You need to lead the process of finding out.
Try: “Here’s what we know right now. Here’s what we’re still figuring out. Here’s how we’ll make a decision when the time comes.”
That kind of clarity builds trust. It invites your team into the problem-solving. And it takes some of the pressure off your shoulders.
So next time you feel anxious when asked something you can’t answer, pause. And try, “Let’s figure this out together.” That’s leadership too.
This one is so human. People crave certainty. Stability. But that doesn’t entitle us to it. Because these days, certainty is in short supply. It’s just our reality.
Feeling the need to apologize for that - to correct it - is exhausting you.
Your job isn’t to predict the future. It’s to help your team make sense of the signals around them. And to build resilience so they’re ready for whatever comes.
That means saying, “Here’s what’s true now. Here’s what’s still evolving. Here’s how we’ll make decisions as things shift.”
That kind of transparency gives your team what they really need. Not guarantees, but guidance. Not perfect answers, but clarity around what’s known, what’s not, and what comes next.
These beliefs are heavy. And most of us didn’t choose them. We inherited them from managers who modeled them. From systems that reward emotional buffering over clarity.
But when we name them? We can start to set them down.
You don’t have to carry what was never yours.
And if you’re ready to take that further—if you want support helping your team navigate burnout without sacrificing clarity or accountability—reach out to me. Head to leadabovenoise.com/burnout or drop me a note directly at Rachel@leadabovenoise.com. I’d love to run a workshop or talk that helps your people feel lighter, stronger, and more equipped to lead in the real world.
Join me next week for Episode 3 in this series, where we’ll explore what it actually looks like to lead in a way that supports sustainability without sacrificing results. Because fixing burnout isn’t about doing less—it’s about leading differently.
Until then, thanks for listening, and have a successful week.
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