It’s an art chelmore than a science.
Sometimes the success of your work depends on someone else’s contribution. If you’re the boss, it’s easy to ask for what you need. But when you’re not in charge, how can you lovingly compel someone to do a thing you need? Today we have some tips on doing this well.
Modern Mentor is hosted by Rachel Cooke. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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Hey, it’s Rachel Cooke, your Modern Mentor. I’m the founder of Lead Above Noise—a firm specializing in helping teams and organizations create better working experiences that deliver better results.
You know, I work with a lot of teams that work with a lot of teams. Like, it feels like our work keeps getting more and more cross-functional every year. A marketing project is almost never just a marketing project. It’s the inputs from Sales and Client Management that make it sing.
A nurse needs the support of the hospital’s front desk staff in order to make a change happen.
A bank teller wanting to try something new may need the teller to the left and right of them to agree and get on board.
But when marketing, nursing, and the teller at your local bank aren’t the boss—they’re not in charge—how can they compel their peers to do the thing they need them to do?
This is often referred to as influencing without authority. And it’s an art more than a science. But I’ve picked up a number of tips over the years and today I’d love to share some faves with you.
First things first: rather than trying to twist someone’s arm into helping you with something at work, start by making an offer they simply can’t refuse.
Like, imagine I said to you “Hey, I’m developing a keynote talk on how to lead through change and I’d appreciate your help in doing some research for me.”
Now I’ll imagine you. Rolling your eyes and wishing you were anywhere but in this conversation.
Let’s say I changed that to “I’m developing a keynote talk on how to lead through change. Because people are struggling and leaders want to better support them, and this talk will deliver the tools and confidence they need to create change.”
OK, maybe that second one sounds more exciting to me than to most because leading through change is an area of passion. But honestly, in this second scenario, you’re at least a little bit more open to hearing what comes next, right?
You’re probably struggling with change right now (um, we all are) and maybe the idea of getting some tools and confidence into the hands of leaders sounds relevant to you, maybe even alluring.
The point is to start by laying the groundwork for an ask that is likely to feel at least a little relevant, a little interesting to the person whose help you’ll need but don’t have the authority to demand.
OK, once you’ve got a big old impactful vision out there, think about how contributing to this vision can actually serve the other person’s goals.
You’re a Marketing analyst and you’re working on a new email campaign designed to bring in more customers. And you’d like help from a colleague in Sales. But email marketing is your job—not theirs.
Before you ask for help, think about their goals—and how the success of this project would help them achieve those goals.
Like if your email is successful, it will bring in more potential new customers. Which could help Sales achieve their numbers.
Or the nurse who wants the front desk staff to ask a few extra questions during the registration process realizes that if successful, patients will receive more streamlined care. So the next time they come in they’ll be less cranky, less impatient with the Front Desk staff.
Really think about how what you’re asking for will serve your colleagues—make their goals more achievable or their lives a little more pleasant.
Every time I peek behind my daughter’s closed door, I have to resist the urge to scream. It’s a serious nightmare in there. What I want is for her to clean it. I want it spotless and sparkling.
But neither spotless nor sparkle is really an option for me. Those asks are too big for this particular kid.
So instead, I ask myself—what’s something smaller, more contained I could ask of her that would feel more manageable but also leave me feeling a bit of a win?
For me it’s clothes. Clean ones in drawers, dirty in the laundry bins.
Does this solve everything for me? Nope. But it delivers an improvement. And it bumps up the odds of compliance.
Now your turn. You’re looking for a colleague to write something for you. Can you outline or draft it and have them add or edit?
You need a colleague to join you for a sales call with a client. Instead of asking for two hours of their time, can you invite them to just dial in for the part where their voice is needed?
Keeping your ask as tight and focused as possible leaves you asking for less—but still getting the bulk of the value you need.
The only thing more annoying than being asked to do something you don’t wanna do? It’s being asked to do that thing like now.
So as soon as you have a new project or to-do on your plate, think big. Look ahead. As you imagine yourself delivering this outcome—who might you need in your circle to make it happen?
Which teams or colleagues might you want to contribute—whether it’s ideas or support or actual work? Tap them as soon as possible. Just start sharing your vision, planting seeds.
The more time you can give people—to get excited, to feel invited, or just to plan ahead—the better the luck you’ll have in getting their support.
Getting the yes is half the battle.
The other half? It’s actually getting the outcome you need—getting the value from the person who’s now agreed.
One of the best ways to do this? Add some basic fun to the equation.
Need someone to help you generate ideas? Great. Don’t just ask for ideas. Host a brainstorm. If it’s in person, grab some snacks. If it’s virtual, stream some music through Zoom or Teams. Start with some warmup trivia questions. Give out gold stars for each idea put out there.
Get creative. Doesn’t have to be over the top. Just enough to demonstrate you put thought and care in—and you appreciate their time and contributions.
And of course. Can’t cover this topic without a nod to karma.
Generally, be a helper. A giver, a server, a provider of ideas and efforts. Role model this and people will want to return the favor.
Join me next week for another great episode. Until then, visit my website at leadabovenoise.com if your organization is looking to dial up its Employee Experience or deliver some leadership development that activates change. You can follow Modern Mentor on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Find and follow me on LinkedIn. Thanks so much for listening and have a successful week.