A blow to our confidence can throw us off our game if we let it. But there are ways to wallow and ways to recover. Let’s choose to recover.
A blow to our confidence can throw us off our game if we let it. But there are ways to wallow and ways to recover. Let’s choose to recover.
Modern Mentor is hosted by Rachel Cooke. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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Hey, it’s Rachel Cooke, your Modern Mentor! I’m the founder of Lead Above Noise, where we help leaders activate performance and engagement – without burning out. Whether it’s bootcamps, keynotes, or Pulse checks, we help teams achieve meaningful change. Just let us know what you need.
So, speaking of things you might need…how’s your confidence these days? I’m asking because it’s something that’s coming up a lot these days. Like people around me - varying ages, amounts of tenure, industries - seem to be struggling. And while I get it - no judgment - I also think we deserve better. We deserve to feel great about the work we’re doing, the impacts we’re making - even when we know we’re imperfect.
OK. So my client - Dave - had one of those epic moments at work a few months ago. Dave’s the kind of guy who usually has it all together—sharp, proactive, you name it. But he was giving a big presentation on a project he’d been working on for months. It was high-stakes and he felt pretty prepared. But things got clunky on gameday.
His slides looked wonky when they loaded, he stumbled over his words, and in the Q&A, he couldn’t answer a few critical questions from senior leaders. When the meeting ended, one of his colleagues even pulled him aside and said “Next time, do your homework.”
He left that meeting feeling…rough. And here’s what we worked through together to help him recover—five steps that I think could help anyone turn a confidence hit into a comeback.
1. Start with a Clear-Eyed Review: What Actually Happened?
When confidence takes a hit, we tend to focus on how awful it felt rather than on what actually happened. But the reality is, feelings don’t tell the full story. So, the first step is to pull back from the emotion and get a clear view of the facts.
Write down exactly what happened—like a play-by-play—without any embellishment or judgment. Because we always make things worse when we editorialize. “I didn’t clearly explain how X leads to Y” is very different than “Jane thought I was an idiot when I didn’t clearly explain how X leads to Y.”
An honest assessment of the facts gives us something to work with. Assuming other people’s feelings or reactions? Not so much.
Dave did this exercise, listing each moment he could remember from the presentation. Yes, he stumbled. Yes, he didn’t have all the answers. But there were also things he did do right, like presenting his initial findings clearly and fielding some unexpected questions well.
By focusing on facts instead of feelings, you’re separating the emotion from the event, which keeps you from turning one rough moment into a story about yourself as a “failure.” This perspective shift is key to seeing where things really stand.
2. Extract Key Insights—What Was Missing, and Why?
Once you have the facts, dig into the details. Ask yourself: What could have been done differently? Look for specific gaps, like missing preparation, overlooked details, or unmet expectations.
And also? Make space for “sometimes [bleep] just happens.” To all of us. And sometimes we just need to own it.
For Dave, this was a tough but important step. He realized that he’d rehearsed the presentation, but hadn’t done a technical run through. He knew his facts and data cold, but hadn’t anticipated - or even asked for ahead of time - the tough questions that came from senior leaders.
He did a lot of prep work. But not enough to anticipate the audience’s needs.
This isn’t about criticizing yourself but about identifying real insights. And owning and correcting the misses.
Look at where you may have missed the mark and what exactly went wrong so that you can be smarter about it next time. Maybe you missed the chance to check in with a mentor, maybe you underestimated a detail. Zero in on specific gaps so that you’ll know exactly what to focus on in the future.
3. Reconnect with Your Strengths—and Leverage Them
After identifying areas for growth, it’s time to remind yourself of what you do bring to the table. We tend to focus on what went wrong, but true recovery also comes from acknowledging where we shine.
In Dave’s case, he’s great at simplifying complex ideas. So, he decided to build that skill directly into his next project—this time, prepping a clear, simple set of slides and practicing his messaging until it felt effortless
Reconnecting with your core strengths not only bolsters your confidence but gives you a foundation to lean on as you move forward.
So ask yourself: What are your “signature strengths”? And how can you use those in your next project or presentation? Let this strength inform your approach moving forward—it’s a confidence anchor.
4. Take Targeted Action to Fill in the Gaps
Now that you have a full view of what happened, where you can improve, and where you naturally excel, it’s time to focus on specific actions. Instead of simply “preparing better,” define exactly what you’ll do to avoid a repeat. Maybe it’s practicing in front of colleagues, running through a Q&A, or doing a dry run with a mentor who can give feedback.
For his next presentation, Dave decided to take three specific actions: he lined up a mock Q&A session with a trusted peer, practiced anticipating questions senior leaders might ask, and gave himself time to practice each section out loud. Each step was purposeful, building his skills and filling the gaps he’d identified.
In the end, not only was he ready for questions from stakeholders? But they barely had any for him. Because he’d been so thorough in anticipating them he’d actually built the answers into his presentation.
Remember, this isn’t about reinventing yourself—just refining and strengthening your process. Focus on concrete actions that allow you to see your own progress and improve in areas that matter most.
5. Focus on the Future—Reframe and Reclaim Your Confidence
Finally, the most important step: remember that this moment doesn’t define you. Mistakes happen, and every misstep is an opportunity to learn and grow. Remind yourself of your larger “why”—why you’re in this role, what impact you want to make, and what motivates you to keep pushing forward.
Dave reframed his presentation as a learning moment, one that would help him become an even stronger communicator and leader. Instead of letting it stay a confidence blow, he chose to use it as a catalyst for growth. And ultimately, that’s what brought his confidence back.
In fact, in a recent interview I did with Erika Ayers Badan, she talks about how when you use work wisely and to your advantage, it’s essentially an education you get paid to have. When you extract every bit of learning you can.
So don’t get stuck in the past. Remember that every misstep adds a layer to your skills, resilience, and readiness for the next opportunity. Embrace what you’ve learned, hold your head high, and step forward with renewed confidence.
Join me next week for another great episode. Until then, visit my website at leadabovenoise.com if your workplace could use an Activation boost—whether it’s a bootcamp, a keynote, or a Pulse check, you choose. You can follow Modern Mentor on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Thanks so much for listening and have a successful week.
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