What I love about SIMPLE coaching is that it leans just a little bit on teaching concepts, and focuses mostly on practicing, challenging, and problem-solving as leaders actually start using the concepts.
Sometimes it feels like we have so overcomplicated what it means to be a leader. With so many frameworks, tools, and trainings out there, many leaders have lost touch with their instincts and the power of their own human judgment. In today’s episode, Modern Mentor fields some of the questions she is asked most commonly. You may be surprised at the simplicity of her replies.
Modern Mentor is hosted by Rachel Cooke. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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Hey, it’s Rachel Cooke, your Modern Mentor. I’m the founder of Lead Above Noise—a firm specializing in retaining, engaging, and developing talent. As part of my work in Leadership Development, I run a group coaching program for organizations called SIMPLE coaching. I call it this partly because it’s an acronym for the concepts we cover, but mostly because I think we’ve vastly overcomplicated leadership—and we’ve left too many new leaders feeling like deer in headlights. And what I love about SIMPLE coaching is that it leans just a little bit on teaching concepts, and focuses mostly on practicing, challenging, and problem-solving as leaders actually start using the concepts. Also… we spend a lot time on leaders’ questions. Because they have lot of them! This is a safe forum for them to just ask. And I answer.
Today I’d love to share a few of my favorite questions I’ve gotten from participants in recent cohorts—as well as the answers I provided. Chances are you’ve struggled with one or more of these questions and so here’s hoping you find some value in the conversation!
The first question comes from a leader who’s been in the role for about 18 months. And here’s what he asked:
“We’ve talked a lot in this group about how important empathy is—how much we need to listen and show humility and ask great questions and all that stuff. But also, isn’t it my job to show up with confidence? To assure my team it’s safe to follow me? Don’t they need to believe I have the answers? I’m struggling with how to balance these ideas and would love any advice.”
I remember getting this question and hearing that feeling of tension in his voice. He was kind of asking… who am I really supposed to be? This is such a common conundrum. So here’s what I told him.
Your job as a leader is not doing work but ensuring work gets done. It’s not having ideas but bringing ideas forth. It’s not being creative but unleashing creativity. In other words, it’s not about the results you personally deliver, but rather the results you can cultivate.
With this mindset, it becomes easier to recognize your team doesn’t need you to always have the answers in order to feel safe trusting you. They need to believe you have the right questions, that you can set the context and that you’ll create the conversations in which answers will rise to the top.
So great leadership is having that empathy to ask and listen, and then get to the answer collectively with your team. Trust that it takes more confidence to say, “I’m not sure but let me find out” or even “Great question—what does the rest of the team think?” than it does to make up your best guess in the moment.
Leadership is making sure the question is answered and knowing the answer doesn’t have to have come exclusively from you.
The second question comes from a leader who knows she’s supposed to ask for feedback. So she does. And she gets mostly bland smiles and crickets. “Every time I ask my team for feedback—and I swear I do it on the regular—whether it’s about how I’m leading or what ideas they have on a project plan, or anything else that may be on their minds, my team doesn’t seem to have anything to say. I want their feedback—I really do—so how can I change the conversation, make it more of a two-way street?”
I hear this a lot from well-meaning leaders who are asking and asking and asking and coming up blank. And I always tell them the same thing. You probably need to ask better questions.
Sending feedback upward can feel scary—we all know this on some level. So the key to receiving upward feedback is to gently force it. “Do you have feedback on my leadership?” invites people to say “no boss, you’re perfect.” But asking instead “What are 2-3 things I do really well as a leader and 2-3 things I could try differently?” does a few things. First, it allows them to ease into the feedback-giving by starting with some positives. But also, it gently requires the constructive—you’re not asking if they have any; you’re assuming they do and asking them to please share it as it would help you.
Same applies to a project plan or a proposed approach. “What do you think of my plan/idea?” will generally get you a bunch of thumbs up. But trying instead, “I’d love your help in spotting any risk or blind spots—what could possibly cause this to fail and what would you recommend?” will get their creative juices flowing. They won’t feel like they’re criticizing, but rather contributing to an important conversation. Can you feel that shift?
And finally, our third question. It’s about the dreaded D-word. Delegation. I mean… for a thing that’s supposed to be liberating, it creates a whole lotta noise and drama for leaders!
OK. So here’s the question I got from a leader of an analytics team. He said “I really get how important delegation is—both for me in freeing up some strategic time, and for my team member who gets the opportunity to learn a new thing. But the last few times I delegated, I ended up getting burned. For one reason or another, the result wasn’t exactly what I wanted. And now I’m anxious about trying again.”
In this program, we do talk a fair amount about delegation, so this leader is right in that it’s super important. But we also need to recognize that delegation doesn’t happen with the flip of a switch. It’s a skill leaders—and also their employees—need to learn.
Here’s what I told him: First and foremost, you are not alone! So many leaders strive to delegate—they get that when it’s done well, everyone wins. And also… so many leaders struggle. They’ve been burned or disappointed or lots of other things that weren’t the goal. And they hesitate to do it again.
So now… just a touch of tough love. Because, my friend, when delegation fails us, we need to look not just at the employee who missed the mark, but also, well, in the mirror. Because as the person doing the delegating, chances are there was something in the way you set it up that could have been better. This isn’t about blame—it’s about problem-solving. About figuring out how to do it better next time.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
I hope some of these questions resonated with you. They are so common. And they are wonderful evidence of why learning how to do leadership doesn’t only happen in a classroom. Whether in a formal coaching program or just with some safe colleagues, don’t forget the power of flagging your challenges and getting some tips and support from those around you.
Join me next week for another great episode. Until then, visit my website at leadabovenoise.com if your organization is looking to dial up its Employee Experience or deliver some leadership development that activates change. You can follow Modern Mentor on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Find and follow me on LinkedIn. Thanks so much for listening and have a successful week.