Even the most virtuous behaviors can turn rotten if left unchecked.
There are certain behaviors—like collaboration, debate, and empowerment—that are known to be virtuous at work. And done well, they are. But unchecked, these virtues can have a dark side. Know what to look for and how to move behavior back into the golden zone.
Modern Mentor is hosted by Rachel Cooke. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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Hey, it’s Rachel Cooke, your Modern Mentor. I’m the founder of Lead Above Noise — a firm specializing in retaining, engaging, and developing talent. I do a lot of things in my day job. I also moonlight as a soccer mom. And I gotta say, sometimes the soccer mom thing feels harder than the running a business thing. I show up on the sideline to cheer for my kiddos. Cheering, showing support, these are good things - right? But some of what I hear come from the mouths of the other parents…let’s just say I hear things that are mostly quick and definitely dirty - but not appropriate for the Quick and Dirty Tips network if you know what I mean. Riled up parents are the worst! But try to call them out on their behavior, and they’ll tell you they’re just “cheering” for their kids - this is how they show support.
This is a thing that happens in the workplace too. I see it often. We let bad behavior hide behind virtuous labels, and then no one can touch it - right? Collaboration, debate, empowerment - these are all things we’re supposed to strive for - that should make it rain gold stars on us. But even the most virtuous behaviors can turn rotten if left unchecked.
Today we’ll chat about how these good guys can turn bad, and what you can do if you’re seeing this in action.
Let’s start with collaboration. Everyone loves collaboration. It’s a great way to get everyone involved and invested - to get all the best ideas on the table, to capture all the pockets of expertise around the company.
And executed well, it does many of these things. But also, it’s hard to execute well.
Often our intent to collaborate gets us stuck in the mud. We want everyone to weigh in on the decision, which means it takes forever. Or we find ourselves being called into way too many projects and meetings in the name of collaboration when we really have no value to add (and have much more important work to attend to!)
So what can you do about it? You can ask some questions that cause people to think twice about how “collaborative” they’re really being.
At the start of a project, try asking upfront - “what are the big decision points we’ll face and who will we need in order to make them?” Get agreement upfront, and then remind people of this very finite list when someone tries to squeeze in just one more approver.
Or next time you find yourself on a meeting invite where you feel “extra” - try asking the host, “hey - what value are you hoping I can add here? Is this something you can just update me on after the fact?”
Remind people you’re not trying to be uncollaborative, but rather strategic in how you collaborate.
Next up we’ve got debate. It’s another virtuous thing we’re all supposed to embrace. For organizations focusing on diversity - this is how we harness the power of all the differing ideas, perspectives and experiences.
And yet when I said the word “debate” did you feel your shoulders tense up a bit? Your stomach tighten? So many of us love the idea of debate, but in practice it makes us cringe. And that’s because so many organizations are doing it wrong.
Debate managed well at work means that someone can put forth an idea, and others around the table can express a concern, an alternate opinion, or even a criticism of the idea. “Idea” being the operative word.
What happens in practice, so often, is that behaviors like talking over someone or criticizing the person rather than the idea or dismissing a point of view outright start to show up. And leaders - thinking this is just debate in practice - let it go.
This, friends, is not debate. This is disrespect. And it’s so very unproductive - it’s the fastest way to shut down the exploration of new ideas.
So what can you do? Well, try suggesting some ground rules like:
This practice takes time. But as the richness of ideas starts to emerge, it’ll be totally worth it.
OK, now let’s talk about empowerment. The word says it all - I mean, how do you not love feeling empowered?
Listen. Empowerment is amazing when you feel informed and equipped - you know what you’re trying to achieve and how you want to get it done and you need people to just get out of your way.
But empowerment can also be weaponized.
Imagine you’re on a sales team. And imagine the head of sales has just given your boss a big, bold new target - like increasing sales in the northeast by 25% next quarter. Now imagine your boss has assigned you the task of figuring out how to make this happen.
Your boss tells you they’re empowering you - to be creative, explore new ideas, make a name for yourself. And if you’ve been wanting a challenge like this then maybe empowered is exactly how you feel.
But also, you may feel dumped on. You may feel like you’re running solo in a relay race - like this problem needs more minds and hands than just yours.
Empowerment isn’t just offered - it needs to be felt. So, what can you do if you’re feeling like your boss is just shirking their accountability in this?
You can ask for what you need. Whose thought partnership or mentorship would help you? What resources will you need access to? What permission will you need to talk to customers or run small experiments? What coaching and cadence of check-ins will you need from your boss?
Don’t let the word “empowerment” leave you feeling like you can’t ask for support. You should feel empowered to do exactly that.
Have any of these virtues shown their dark sides in your work experience? If so, I hope you feel equipped to do some redirecting.
Join me next week for another great episode. Until then, visit my website at leadabovenoise.com if your organization is looking to dial up its Employee Experience or deliver some leadership development that activates change. You can follow Modern Mentor on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Find and follow me on LinkedIn. Thanks so much for listening and have a successful week.