Modern Mentor

Why the buddy system works... at work

Episode Summary

Sometimes a coach or a mentor just won’t cut it.

Episode Notes

In school, the buddy system kept us from getting lost, getting hurt, and eating things off the floor. As working adults, we could all sometimes use a buddy. Here’s how to use them and use them well.

Modern Mentor is hosted by Rachel Cooke. A transcript is available at Simplecast.

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Episode Transcription

Hey, it’s Rachel Cooke, your Modern Mentor. And today we’re gonna talk about the buddy system. It kept us safe as kids, and it can work similar magic for us adults if we understand the real value of a buddy and when we need one. So listen up for my favorite ways to use a buddy at work. Because sometimes a coach or a mentor just won’t cut it.

As a kid, I loved school. But what I loved even more was field trips! On field trip days I was up and at ‘em early with my bagged lunch and my phone number taped to my back, ready to go!

While every trip was different, the one thing that stayed the same was the buddy system. Whether at a museum, a farm, or the beloved Safety Town (that was my fave of all time)–every kid had a buddy. ‘Cause I guess losing two kids seemed harder than losing one? Suddenly each of us had an accountability for the safety and well-being of another. And in my experience, it worked!

I would buddy up with my best friend Jamie. She was the yin to my yang in every way. I followed rules, she stomped on them. I nailed my homework, she nailed her homework… to the dartboard. You see where this is going. (For anyone concerned, she turned out amazing and is still one of my besties).

We were quite a pair. But somehow it worked. It kept us on track and safe.

But now we’re all adults—working, responsible adults. So a buddy system seems ridiculous…amiright? Your manager isn’t counting heads to make sure everyone made it onto the bus at the end of the work day. Except, actually, I think a workplace buddy system is maybe a little bit amazing. Just hear me out.

In school, the system was designed to protect us from getting lost, from falling down, or just eating something random off the floor. I know. Kids are so gross. But those were the dangers we faced back then.

As adults, the risks look different. But sometimes we still need support, protection, and someone to pick us up when we fall down. Often our default is to seek out a coach or mentor—someone whose job it is to educate us. To show us the way. And those mentors and coaches add a very real value. But they’re not the whole picture. Sometimes the thing we need… is a buddy.

Here's how I use a buddy at work.

Someone to hold my hand.

I did love my field trips. But sometimes the break in routine would overwhelm me. And having Jamie there just to hold my hand—it was just the reassurance I needed.

Sometimes I do need a coach who will ask me the magical question to unlock my thinking; or a mentor who has been there, done that, and will share their wisdom with me.

But sometimes I’m just afraid to try something new. Or I had a hard day and I’m feeling down. Or I’ve taken on a project I’m suddenly second-guessing my ability to deliver on. And in these moments I don’t need someone wiser or smarter. I just need someone who will sit with me; who will remind me of the hard things I’ve done, the landings I’ve stuck.

In these moments, I call a trusted buddy—just to hang with me until I’m ready to move forward.

Someone to expose me to new ideas.

I was a rule follower. But Jamie… not so much. Rules were her starting point from which she’d negotiate. And if you got her to follow half of them, you were winning.

My way worked. But in hindsight, so did hers. She always looked at things differently than I did. She was creative, ingenious, always scheming. By the end of any field trip, I’d have kept her from landing in museum security, but she’d have taught me to look at a painting upside down while lying on a bench. Sure, she frustrated the teachers. But she pushed me out of my comfort zone and helped me see things through fresh lenses.

She loosened me up. I taught her that once in a while, following the rules actually yielded a nice outcome. We balanced each other. Often as adults we look for mentors who’ve achieved exactly the outcome we want for ourselves. And again—that approach serves a purpose.  

But what can you learn from a buddy who takes a different approach to things? Are you a data hunter and gatherer? Maybe you need a buddy who experiments first and lets the data follow. Or are you someone who makes quick decisions? Maybe you need a buddy who is more of a consumer of perspective, a processor of opinions.

There’s no good or bad, better or worse. There’s just value in exposure to different approaches. So find a buddy who can do that for you.

Someone to just let me play.

Every now and then, when an odd number of kids showed up, the solution was to pair one kiddo with the teacher. When we were really little, this was actually coveted.

Once, I was that lucky kiddo. I was so excited. And yet…it turned out to be the least fun of all the field trips. Because I was so desperate to impress the teacher—with my behavior, my insightful questions (for an 8-year old, anyway), my ability to absorb information… that I kind of lost sight of the fun I was supposed to be having.

Coaches and mentors can absolutely grow and stretch us. But sometimes what we really need is some freedom—to be ourselves and totally informal; to name the first idea that comes to mind, to imagine, to wonder, to throw a noodle at the wall and be ready to laugh if it doesn’t stick. These moments call for a buddy!

Someone to gossip with.

On field trip days there was always that scramble to the back of the bus. The further back you sat, the more fun you had. Because the teachers couldn’t hear what you were saying.

I know, I know. Gossip is a dirty word. But I’m not talking about the mean-spirited can-you-believe-that-dress-she’s-wearing gossip. I’m talking about moments when you’ve heard of an impending org change and you need to process it. Or you just encountered that blowhard of a leader who always tears people down—and you just need to vent.

We filter what we discuss with coaches and mentors—we want to seem like team players at all times. But sometimes we need to let the guard down and just real-talk something.

Find a buddy who makes you feel safe, who can laugh with you and at you and still leave you feeling amazing about yourself.

Don’t get me wrong. Mentors and coaches are great—they add a unique and specific value. But add some “buddies” to your toolbox  who make you feel safe, supported, and connected—and to whom you can offer the same. Also, consider someone who will stop you from eating that thing off the floor. I know. Adults are so gross.

Hope you’ll join me next week for another great episode. Until then, visit my website at leadabovenoise.com if your organization is looking for partnership in retaining, engaging or developing talent. You can follow Modern Mentor on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Follow me on the Modern Mentor podcast page on LinkedIn. Thanks so much for listening and have a successful week.